On Mothers day I can’t help but reflect on motherhood.
Is it all we set it out to be?
Is it more?
Is it less?
I never wanted kids.
I was happy travelling, not being tied to a place, not needing to worry about dependents.
But the Indian in me surfaced… what if I regret not having kids one day in the future,
the biological clock was ticking away.
I succumbed and got pregnant AND LOVED IT!
I loved every aspect of being pregnant.
The daily nausea and throwing up,
The constant need to urinate,
The black line snaking across my bulging belly
And my delivery was a party.
I had Gatorade, music, my husband, mum, sister-in-law and lipstick.
Need to look your best for pics.
I even had a mirror the second time around so I could see my baby slithering out.
Does it hurt?
Hell yes make no mistake.
Your insides feel like they are being squeezed
Momentarily
Then it goes away
And comes back, stronger and harder
But the underlying excitement was enough to bolster me and of course the epidural helped.
My grandmother came to mind. At 16, I admitted my fear of pain while delivering a baby.
She laughed. She had 13 kids, legs first
And my mum too delivered me legs first
No pain relief. Normal vaginal deliveries
Thank God for modern technology. I took it both pregnancies, at 8 cms and 9cms because why not?
The last part is the most painful, so why torture myself? Does it make me less of a mother?
Over the years, I have loved and hated motherhood.
When your child is ill.
When your child is in trouble.
Your heart walks outside your body
But the exhilarating moments when you smell their sweet baby breath
When they wrap their arms around you
When they run to you in a crowded room
They punish you after a long trip by ignoring you
But there’s the frantic call after a break up
There are fights
And apologies
There is unconditional love
So how do I feel about taking the plunge into this lifelong bittersweet commitment
There are times I might question my wisdom.
There are times I could throttle my child.
There are ties I coud stifle them with love.
The anxious moments never go away no matter their age.
Heck my mum still nags me and worries about me.
But I have never regretted it.
So all you wannabe mums, new mums, old mums, never mums…
Remember, motherhood is flawed, its challenging, its fulfilling.
It is not perfect but it is bliss.